11 more days till I’m 22
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so my cats are now 13 and 11 years old :[ they can’t control their bladders anymore and are peeing all over my blankets and some of my favorite clothes that i just happen to forget about and leave on the floor. it makes me sad to see them so helpless, especially since i can’t do anything about it. but c’est la vie. an average cat’s lifespan is around 15 years, so i know their time is coming. but all i can do is love. 

that’s what it all comes down to. 

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The grave receives you with love. Surrender yourself to the Earth. Return what was loaned to you. Give up your pleasure, your pain, your friends, your lovers, your life, your past, what you desire. You will know nothingness, it is the only reality. Don’t be afraid, it’s so easy to give. You’re not alone, you have a grave. It was your first mother. The grave is the door to your rebirth. Now you will surrender the faithful animal you once called your body. Don’t try to keep it, remember, it was a loan. Surrender your legs, your sex, your hair, your brain, your all. You no longer want to possess, possession is the ultimate pain. The earth covers your body, she came to cover you with love, because she is your true flesh. Now you are an open heart, open to receive your true essence your ultimate perfection. Your new body, which is the universe, the work of god. You will be born again, you will be real. you will be your own father, your own mother, your own child, your own perfection. Open your eyes, you are the earth, you are the green, you are the blue, you are the Aleph, you are the essence. Look at the flower, look at the flower, for the first time look at the flowers.

The Holy Mountain

god how i love this movie

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We die to each other daily. What we know of other people is only our memory of the moments during which we knew them. And they have changed since then. To pretend that they and we are the same is a useful and convenient social convention which must sometimes be broken. We must also remember that at every meeting we are meeting a stranger.
― T.S. Eliot, The Cocktail Party 
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my allergies are awful

this is annoying. i’m constantly amazed over how much water my body produces. icky, i know. the benadryl seemed to be the only medicine that’s working on me, except now i can’t find it anywhere! aghhhh. this weekend i’m going to my aunt’s beach house. i’m excited to do some shoots in water. my cousin modeled for my last picture, Sprout. and he is surprisingly a good model. thanks Christopher. i’m excited to collaborate again this weekend ^__^ 

my residency at SVA starts on tuesday! i can’t wait. i’m excited to meet artists around the world and learn and grow and the whole shebang. the only thing i’m not excited about having to be a real person with a schedule again.  it’s been really nice sleeping at 4 am and waking up at 1 in the afternoon. how i love summer.

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